Welcome to the sixth edition of Row Z, our weekly column on The Athletic shining a light on the bonkers side of the game.
From clubs to managers, players to organisations, every Friday we’ll bring you the absurdities, the greed, the contradictions, the preposterousness and the oddities of the game we all love…
It’s important not to get too high or too low in football, right? Be it after a big victory, a crushing defeat or even a favourable draw or a less favourable draw, you want your club’s head coach to remain steadfast and consistent, not displaying histrionic emotions based just on one result, yes?
Especially at a massive club like Manchester United, where surely the focus is on long-term growth and tangible step-by-step improvements in their intriguing new INEOS era?
Also, here’s Erik ten Hag’s post-match comments so far this season.
Fulham, 1-0: “The win is very pleasing… we have a foundation we can build on.”
Brighton, 1-2: “It’s very disappointing. As a team we should have done better.”
Liverpool, 0-3: “It’s not like I’m Harry Potter.”
Southampton 3-0: “The game was all ours.”
Barnsley, 7-0: “This is the perfect night.”
Crystal Palace, 0-0: “We ate them alive.”
Twente 1-1: “I have to look in the mirror.”
Mikel Arteta refuted accusations that his team had employed the dark arts during Arsenal’s tempestuous 2-2 draw at Manchester City on Sunday.
“I always prefer the facts to words, or supposing things,” Arteta said.
Fair point, although words can be pretty important too?
On a completely unrelated note, here’s Arteta during the Manchester City Amazon documentary in 2018 when he was Pep Guardiola’s assistant: “David (Silva), Kevin (De Bruyne), Gundo (Ilkay Gundogan) — make fouls. If there is a transition, make a foul. If you can do it, better than Gundo, better than the defenders.”
Also words, but not facts, from Arteta in February this year after Arsenal lost against Porto and he was asked how a manager develops dark arts into his squad: “There are ways to do it… it is the way you talk to them, showing them clips, training — putting them through scenarios, pinching them a few times as well, learning from other players who do it really well and from teams who are masters at it.
“It’s very important.”
Typical example of a tweet by Chris Smalling at Manchester United…
About last night…. 💥 #MUFC pic.twitter.com/PCibzZ8Rfe
— Chris Smalling (@ChrisSmalling) March 7, 2019
Typical example of a tweet by Chris Smalling at Roma…
Another important 3 points ✅ with an amazing atmosphere 🔥. Already thinking about Saturday 💪🏽 @OfficialASRoma 💛❤️ pic.twitter.com/RFzbMJfrxc
— Chris Smalling (@ChrisSmalling) August 22, 2022
Typical example of a tweet by Chris Smalling at Al Fayha in Saudi Arabia, a country which has no interest in sportswashing whatsoever.
THE LINE
A cognitive city stretching across 170 kilometers, from the mountains of NEOM across desert valleys to the Red Sea. A mirrored architectural masterpiece towering 500 meters above sea level, but a land-saving 200 meters wide. Unique solar and wind advantages for 100%… pic.twitter.com/avHnuguB4V— Chris Smalling (@ChrisSmalling) September 22, 2024
Row Z readers, would you pay £69 ($93) for an item of clothing that you’ve never seen and won’t even receive until 2025?
How about some shorts you’ve never seen for £30? Or a pair of socks for £15?
Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of Sheffield Wednesday.
The club gave their (long-suffering) fans a deadline of September 23rd to pre-order kit for the 2025-26 season. Not the home kit, mind, or even the away kit, but just the third kit.
What could they tell supporters about the shirt they were asking them to pay £69 for? Well, they confirmed the colours of white and blue, plus a retro owl crest on the left chest.
Why were they asking for blind money now? It was the “optimum solution” of course, having engaged with fans at a recent meeting and, with the 2024-25 third kit having sold out in a day, Wednesday said: “We are keen to avoid such a scenario next year, ensuring that supply meets demand and the ordering process is not over or underestimated.”
What it definitely wasn’t was an exercise to harness supporter loyalty and make some quick cash to sit nicely in this season’s accounts. It wasn’t that at all.
Also from Wednesday: “Please note that once a pre-order is placed it cannot be cancelled or refunded.” Textbook.
It’s been a big week for protecting assets in Scotland.
Here’s Hearts chief executive Andrew McKinlay on August 9 after head coach Steven Naismith was rewarded with a contract extension to 2026: “We have a truly exciting year ahead of us.
“By extending the coaching team’s contracts we are reiterating our trust in them and confirming our belief that they can continue to take the team on an upwards trajectory.
“Good coaching teams aren’t always in abundance and other clubs are always on the lookout, so the club also has peace of mind in terms of protecting its assets.”
And 45 days later, after sacking Naismith?
“Unfortunately, there is little evidence of any potential upturn in fortunes.”
Guardiola’s influence on English football is unquantifiable; he has forever changed the way we think about and play the game.
The way teams build attacks. The way they play out from the back. Heck, even just how we think about goalkeepers. Pep has left an indelible mark.
Or, if you’re a Huddersfield Town fan, he’s got a lot to answer for.
🙌Our first goal this afternoon#ShoeArmy 👞 pic.twitter.com/1yUIgU7QKb
— Northampton Town (@ntfc) September 21, 2024
(Top photo: Robbie Jay Barratt – AMA/Getty Images)
