ORCHARD PARK, N.Y. — Remember when Gisele Bundchen complained after a Super Bowl loss that her then-husband, Tom Brady, couldn’t throw the ball to himself?
Josh Allen’s fiancée, actress Hailee Steinfeld, has a sparkling new ring on her finger and a special man who did.
Allen scored two touchdowns on a single play Sunday night. He scored a couple others, too. And he barely played in the fourth quarter.
As six inches of snow fell inside Highmark Stadium, the Bills annihilated the San Francisco 49ers 35-10 to clinch their fifth straight AFC East championship with five games left over. The Bills’ performance was dominant aside from special teams, but Allen once again asserted himself as superhuman.
“Sunday night and snowing in Orchard Park, anything can happen,” Bills right tackle Spencer Brown said. “When you got 17 on your team, the MVP of the league, he can pretty much do whatever he wants, and we’re OK with it.”
Buffalo coach Sean McDermott agrees, albeit begrudgingly, with that anything-goes sentiment. He said he closed his eyes with about six minutes left in the third quarter, with points virtually guaranteed off a first-and-goal scenario, then Allen’s beseeching gaze signaled receiver Amari Cooper to pitch the ball back to him in the slippery snow.
“I was, like, ‘Oh, geez, here we go,’” McDermott said.
THIS IS THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING WE HAVE EVER SEEN.
📺: @SNFonNBC pic.twitter.com/LzaOt3MDLj
— Buffalo Bills (@BuffaloBills) December 2, 2024
We’ve grown accustomed to watching Allen author magnificent moments such as his improvised 26-yard touchdown run on fourth-and-2 to beat the previously undefeated Kansas City Chiefs two weeks ago. After spending his break getting engaged to Steinfeld, he got back to the business of courting MVP voters.
What he pulled Sunday night gave even the most acclimated Allen fans a shiver up their spines and had statisticians scratching their heads.
“You don’t really coach those things,” Bills nickelback Taron Johnson said of Allen’s latest highlight. “Those things just kind of happen. You’re playing backyard football. That’s one of the greatest plays I’ve seen this year. It was just a special play. You can’t really stop that.”
On first-and-goal from the 7-yard line and ahead 21-3, the Bills went with a direct snap out of a heavy set. Offensive lineman Alec Anderson reported as an eligible receiver, lining up as the right end. Mack Hollins stood behind Anderson, with Khalil Shakir winged next to them. Cooper split left.
A run seemed appropriate. The Niners’ defense was getting gashed. At the time, James Cook had 11 carries for 108 yards and a touchdown already, while rookie Ray Davis had five attempts for 31 yards and a touchdown. Allen, Ty Johnson and Curtis Samuel combined for five carries and another 29 yards. That’s an average of 8.0 yards per rush.
Allen quickly threw into the left flat, but the pass was off-target. Cooper spun around to make the difficult catch with his right hand, clutching it into his body. Now Cooper’s back was to the goal line. Three defenders pounced — or at least should have.
Niners cornerback Renardo Green got there first. He hugged Cooper around the waist and drove him back a few yards, while safety Malik Mustapha and linebacker Fred Warner hovered. They waited for line judge Rusty Barnes to blow the whistle because Cooper seemed stopped.
“I thought the ref was going to whistle the play dead because the receiver, when he caught the ball, he was going backwards,” Green said. “But he didn’t blow the whistle. We didn’t keep playing.”
Like a basketball player following his bad foul shot, Allen’s instincts told him to chase his errant throw.
As Cooper was being pushed back a few yards, Allen arrived.
Cooper: “I was wondering what he was doing over there. That doesn’t usually happen when you throw a dart route like that.”
Allen: “We made eye contact …”
Cooper: “That’s what it was, yeah.”
Allen: “… and he just pitched it, and I had to go make a play. It was dope.”
Mustapha peeled away from Cooper and got his right arm around Allen’s torso, but the Bills’ quarterback has Mustapha by seven inches and 31 pounds. Allen’s momentum whipped him to the ground. He tucked the ball inside his left elbow and skirted Warner for the sideline.
At about the 4-yard line, Allen switched the ball to his right hand and Supermanned it inside the pylon, airing past linebacker Dee Winters (appropriately) and defensive lineman Robert Beal, for yet another otherworldly touchdown to put the Bills ahead 28-3 with 5:58 left in the third quarter.
“Probably something you saw in backyards all across Western New York or at least Buffalo in the last 48 hours,” McDermott said. “I know my son was in the backyard, playing with his buddies. I was just sitting by the window, watching those guys yesterday.
“They’re all wishing they can be Josh Allen and Amari Cooper, which I think is cool.”
How to record the unusual play raised considerable debate among veteran journalists in the press box, but the NFL has rules on how to score it.
Allen was credited with a passing touchdown (because he threw the ball) and a receiving touchdown (because he crossed the goal line). Cooper got the reception (because he caught the ball) for no gain.
“I wish he got credited for something there, an assist or a passing touchdown,” Allen said of Cooper’s primary assist.
Allen scored a traditional rushing touchdown early in the fourth quarter, giving him three touchdowns on two plays in the span of 8:27. He became just the fourth player since the NFL-AFL merger to record a passing, rushing and receiving TDs in the same game.
Allen’s screwball play forced the Bills to make a decision about the club record he broke for total touchdowns. He entered the game with 244, same as Jim Kelly. Allen broke the record with a 13-yard touchdown toss to Mack Hollins in the second quarter and added a rushing touchdown in the fourth quarter.
So how many does he have now? The Bills righteously went with 248. Although he scored but once on his theatrical play, the record entails all passing/rushing/receiving TDs. After all, for each passing touchdown Allen has thrown, a receiver also got credit for scoring it. And if the Bills count receiving touchdowns in the combo record (Allen caught one from Isaiah McKenzie in 2020 against the Arizona Cardinals), then he also should get credit for Sunday night’s score.
“It’s a cool stat,” Allen said of breaking Kelly’s record. “That’s kind of all it is. I’m just trying to be the best quarterback I can be for this Bills team.
“We’ve got to find a way to get over the hump.”
A freaky play or a career record doesn’t signify much about a team’s Lombardi Trophy mettle at any given time, but what occurred right before halftime might provide a glimpse.
Covered in a still-falling snow that made throwing the slick ball tricky, the Bills were on their own 3-yard line and already had a two-score lead with 3:31 left in the second quarter.
The Niners struggled to find traction, especially with star tailback Christian McCaffrey deleted by a knee injury. So the Bills could’ve played it safe, run a few times, maybe eke a first down, kill the clock and — worst-case scenario — punt it back and jog inside where it was warm and dry.
“It sucked,” Green said of the snowfall. “Everybody knows it sucked. Couldn’t really cut. It was hard to get your grip in the ground or to set edges. It sucked, but both teams had to play through it and find a way to win.”
Buffalo was weatherproof. You could almost hear crickets chirping, kids romping in the sprinkler and a lawn mower in the distance as the Bills sauntered all the way down the field, 97 yards on nine plays, needing just 2:50 to score the Allen-to-Hollins touchdown and take a 21-3 lead.
“It was huge, especially given the fact that they were getting the ball after half as well,” Allen said. “We were able to dwindle the time and not allow them to double dip.
“It was an opportunity to be really good at situational football, and we did.”
As unorthodox as Allen sometimes plays, his body of work is indicative of a comprehensively great quarterback. Quick strikes and long drives. Methodology and improvisation. Throws and runs and catches and — occasionally — laterals.
And even somehow throwing touchdowns to himself.
(Top photo: Tina MacIntyre-Yee / Imagn Images)
